stven universe 1 shots!
by f0xyandmanglefurreverxx
Summary: i had alot of good repsonses 2 meh fnaf 1 shot fanfics so guess what! NOW HTE SAME BUT WITH STEVEN UNIVERSE! sooooo yeah this will have CROSSOVERS, ALL THE SHIPS, PARODIES, FEELS, AND FUNNY STUFF, AND YEAH! i suck at summaries btw. read and review BUT NO CRITICISM! may contain language NOT APPROPPIATE 4 KIDS BTW!
1. periHOT

"peridot? more like periTHOT amirite haha" amethist said

"HEY THATS INNAPPROPRAITE FOR CHILDREN TO HEAR AND STEVEN IS A CHLID!" pearl yelled

"what did amathyst say?!" steven asked

"nothing...um...she said 'peridot? more like periNOT!' hahahahahhahaha right guys she said that not the innappropriate thing right hahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha" pearl replied

garnet chuckeled ad stars appeared in pearls eyes because APPROVAL

* * *

so l8r outside peridot was still on the leash

"peridot? more like periCAUGHT right lol" pearl said

amethirst groaned

garnet smiled but not chuckled

the stars appeared pearls eyes AGAIN

* * *

then later they were pickign up the mess from the robo fight pearl and peridot had

"peridot? more like periFOUGHT"

"oh myyyyyyyyyyyy god i learned my lesson JUST SHUT UP" amethyst cried

garnet was neutral

STAR EYES!

* * *

pearl saw an boat out in sea in the beach

"peridot? more like periYAUTCH"

* * *

pearl saw a stoner

"peridot? more like periPOT"

* * *

pearl saw a schoolbuss

"peridot? more like periTAUGHT"

* * *

pearl saw peridot write smething down

"peridot? more like periJOT"

* * *

pear saw a dead boody

"peridiot? more like periROT"

* * *

pearl saw a robonoid

"perdiot? more like PERIbot!"

"pearl youre kicked out of the cyrstal gems" garnet said

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" peal squacked "why. why are you doing this to me. i have been in here for thousands of years. i died liked 0239402394-02 bajillion times."

"youre awful jokes are getting outta hand p. its too much" amethyst said

amethyst nudged peridot and winked

"besides u forgot one...periHOT" amethsyt concluded

peridot blushed


	2. bloody lappis

"hey guyz do u kno what day it is?!" amethsyt asked every body

"uhhhhhhmm..we're in the late 1500s... right?" pearl guessed

"it will be approximately june 21st 7:41:08 ante meridiem 1804 anno domini in 4 hours 3 minutes and 5 seconds from now" garnet corretced

"right...so amafist what was youre point" pearl mutterd

"iTS HAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN YE" amethyst shouted louldy while doing jazz hands

"wtf the fukc is an hollow weenie" pearl asked

"its were peepz dress up n get canfy and liek to think about death and stuff that can kill u!" amahtust answerd

"...great. humans are such quality life forms. wow." peral said

"BUT anwai have you guyz heard of BLOODY MARY?" amethyst sai-

"OH no we HAVNET beautiful wondreful lil purple one. i just LOVE humans SO much btw tell us about this LOEVLY bloody marry woman!" rose quarts said (AN: i forgot until now she was alive at the time XD)

"well if u say her name 3 tiems in an mirror shell come out and kill you? ad there will be blood everyhwere. yeah." amehtyst informed

"WOW! thats just so...WONDERFUL! she sounds like a DARLiNG YOUNG WOMAN" rose squealed "LETS GET THAT MIRROR w/ THE LAPIS GEM!"

"um rose..are u SURE this is an great idea? she kills peopel + the blood will be SO GROSS andf hard to pick up?" peal nagged but she really didnt care about that. she jsut didnt want rose to be seducced by a murderous ghost they summouned...AGAIN!

"YEAH MY beautiful delicat PEARL OF COURSE...what coudl possibly go wrong?!"

they summnoed the mirror

"okay guys...WACTH This!" amethst said as she tightly held the mirror close 2 her face "bloody mary...blody mary..blood mary..."

Lapis (stuck inthe mirror): *does a raspberry AKA the fart sound u can make w. ur mouth*

"i think..this thing is kinda broken for this" pearl said in a confused way "hopefully we can use it for things other then sumoning ghosts for a change"

"yes indeed it will serve as a very informative instrumant for steven to learn about gemkind history but just not in the way we except" garnet said

"whose steven" they all asked in unison (except garnet cuz that would be weird XD)

"youll find out in 2.1 hundred years. no spoilers sry." garnet answered


	3. shine brite like a rose quartz

there was rose. she was pink and big.

we see white, blu and yellow DIAMOND! but weres pink?!

aMETHyst rubed her chin. "hey perl remmeber when i was skethcy of bismith?"

"bismith? moar like BYEsmith amirite. lol isn't that funny steven? you love jokes." pearl sceamed

"ANWAI im skepikal of rose 2" ametist continud as she ignored pearl

"y" steven asked

"becus she's PINK! guess who else iz pink"

"lion?"

"no"

"but he is-"

"no he isnt hes a boi. AND BOYS CANT BE PINK!" amethiyst yelled as she. pounded her amefist on the table.

"but im pink? well at least my gem is anywai..."

"stfu steven not everythin is about u"

"oh okay"

"ofmg ANWAI i think rose is pink diamond."

steven gasped. "WAHT?! y. diamonds r ebil and my mom wasn't evil. she was good."

"well have u evur seen pink diamond n rose quarts in the same room?"

"no i havent seen them at all." steven admitted with a blank face "i killed my mom remember"

"EXACTLY! and their both pink" amethist concluded with a smug smile

"uhhhmmmm anyother reason why u think their the same persona?"

"STFU STEVEN THAT IS CONCRETE EVIDENCE! in fact guess what pink is en esponal? ROSA. ROSE QUARZ. and pink dimaond? ROSA DIAMANTE! and rose quertz in spanish is ROSA CUARTO! they almosr have the same name!"

"whOAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" steevn gasped. "what do we do?"

"idk. theres nothing we can rlly do. just thougt it was a cool fact."


	4. PEARL ISNT GAY STOP SAyiNG SHE IS!

ther was mayor dewey. he was standing on the ground outside..

he saw pearl goin on a walk on tge boredwalk with STEVEN!

"heeyyyyy pearl" dewey iniatied "the weathers nice today huh? ;)"

pearl looked down at steven and nudged him"um steven ur freind is talking too u"

"nO!" dewy yelled as he waved his hands "i'm talking to the hawt lady!"

"hot lady?! wait where?!" pearl asked when she turned her head aruond in an frensy

"right here! your the hot lady!" major dewy said

"ummmmm...okaay." pearl said as she retreated into her gem

* * *

NEXT DAI!

pearl was sitting on a bench readnig a book...unlike the preps like amethysr

DEWEY SAW HER!

"heeyyyy...my name is mayor dewey. dwey is my last name...dewey...dewy system...conincidence? i think not"

peral flipped the page

"whatchureading" dwewy said as he sat down next 2her

"oh...hi. how lnog were u here? ANWAI. i'm reading the poertry of sapphos. a vry influential poet of the isleand of lesbos. in fact that poetry made poetry what it is today with the inner mind as a signicificant concept and topic epxlored instead of third person narrattive of epics with morals based of off waht society thinks."

"yep..hes my favorite poet"

"fake nerd boy" pearl mumbled as she got out of her bench

* * *

major dewey knocked on stevens house door.

"KNOK KNOCK" the door knock knocked

garmet answered. and by that i mean she stared silently thro the screen.

"heeeeyyy...um...garment...um...is the hot one here?" dwey asked

"yep ;)" garnet answered "she's me...and me..."

"um i mean the straight hot one."

"i don't think straigt people r hot. the only one i tihnk is hot is the love of my life. who is not striahgt."

"i mean in MY perspective"

"i can't read minds omfg. do u tink im a psychic?"

"yea aren't u 1?"

"not that kind"

"OKAY OMG I MEAN PEARL. IS SHE HERE?!" dewey exapserated

"yep she's right by me holding my hand"

"hey pearl" dwey said

"hi" paerl said

"i have something 4 u" dewey said as he ave her a rose

"HOW INSESNTIVE!" pearl yelled as she slammed the door shut "TOO SOON!"

* * *

i ran out of palces. so let's just say pear and dewey were in the same place again the next day.

"what wil it take for you to go out with me?!" dewey crid

"i am out with yuo. the sky is above us. we are not in a structure created by a homo sapaien." pearl answered blankly

"i mean on a date!"

"nothign. i have a gf now and i only date girls"

"oh. your gay!? why didnt u say so?" dewet asked

"i am NOT gay! how cuold u even say that. my gf of 6000 yrs just died 14 years ago. how could i even be happy. how. i am still grieving for my lesibian love of my lief. i am not gay."

* * *

 _ **SO YEA TO ALL U PEEPS INSISTING PEARL IS GAY...LEMme TELL YOU ONE THING:!**_

 _ **SHE! IS! NOT! GAY!**_

 _ **how would U feel if people told u that ur happy when your NOT bcuz ur lesbian lover died?**_

 _ **EXACTLY**_

 _ **sjws i s2g**_


	5. pearl isnt gay: the sequill

major dewy wiped his forhead with a handercheif "wow...i should have called her lesbian them. i didnt kno gay was offensive to say 2 her."

steven placed a reassureing hand on his lap. "it's okay! i dont think ur homophobic"

"i am not homophobic. but it should be illegal" dewey said with a suddnely stern face "they should go to jail. they all suck"

"ummmm...dewey...that sounds homophobic 2 me if u want gay peeps 2go2jail..." steven trailed off

"no. no, steven, i mean homophobes. they dont belong in beach city. i dont think u noticed but like 90% of people here r gay. u r the token striaght. its my new campaign to make sure the homphones dont push their agenda down our throats."

"ohokay"

dewey reclined in a chair. "its a shame since she's g-lesbian tho. i thought she was hot bcuz of the way she handled the loss of her love rose. she seems so composed n keeps fighting. reminds me of the time my goldfish died."

"so u want 2 date some1 that went thro loss? i know some peope who went thro loss like my dad"

dewet stood up "IS HE SINGLE?"

steven shrugged "um yeah my mom died bc i kiled her thats kinda the whole point of everything thatz hapaned in this show so far"

dewey and greg got married.

deweys still not gay tho bcuz hes still sad about his fish.


End file.
